It was a welcome change from the drudging routine. It was an even more welcome break from the constant strain of never doing anything right, or so I thought back then! I remember it felt like a fox unable to get away from the barking hound. And what I'm saying here is that the barking was literal!!! But my kids would be alright with my mother-in-law, she always seemed to think she could do a better job anyway, so I took advantage of her enthusiasm. The next stage of the plan was switching off the emotion, so I would ultimately switch off the panic that was starting to root itself into my soul!! Surprisingly enough, not missing the kids wasn't a bad think!! Now all I had to do was get on with the job at hand........fixing myself!!
It doesn't rain much in Dubai, but on that specific day it was cloudy. No one really pays attention to the weather forecast or the skies, be it summer or winter. As my mum and I had breakfast near the big widow in the kitchen we could see out over the creek and it was unusually hazy. As usual her conversations were always funny, amusing and witty. By far, and not because she was my mum, but she was the most entertaining human being I have ever met!!! I didn't take the car, because I told her I will not be going far, just a walk around the block.I stepped out of the apartment building and was pleased to feel a cool breeze on my face. I took a moment to enjoy it, although it was blowing my abaya everywhere. I was dress in a black abaya; I just wanted to be comfortable and didn't want attention. I hadn't stepped on to the sidewalk yet when my mind and feet just froze. It couldn't be!! It just couldn't be!!! He was supposed to have died in a road accident a couple of years ago!!!
He was in a suit, talking on his cell phone. There was a short plump girl trying to keep up with him, but he was moving too much. It was clear he was so focused on the phone call and he was using his hands a lot. He stopped to talk right in front of me, but he did not notice me!! And when he walked on, with the girl tagging after him, I followed them!! There was not much else I could do. I was so sure it was him!! I kept looking at him, I was oblivious of anything or anyone but him!! I had to do something fast, cause he stepped off the sidewalk to try and stop a cab. He was not getting away again!I turned my attention to the girl. She looked like she was waiting to see what he was going to do next. She stayed just a few steps behind him, holding her briefcase with both hands in front of her knee. I tapped her on the shoulder and when she turned I pointed at him and asked her, "Is this Ismael? Ismael El Masry?" She turned to look at him and that's when he stopped too. He was looking at us now, and he had finished his phone call. I remember her voice it was soft and slow as she said, "no, this is Amr El Masry!"
He came over and yes I could see it now, the same straight brown hair, the sharp features but it was not the same eyes. Not the same look in his eyes, and not the same way his eyes used to smile at me!! I introduced myself as bravely as I could without crying like a baby. And I smiled as much as I could to fool my heart to seem steady. It was painful to talk about Ismael or the way he died so I asked about how his mum was doing. It seemed she had never recovered from Ismael's death. I always thought that she had never recovered the death of her husband, who died only months before Ismael's birth. She was a little sweet woman who created a little world for herself to live in away from the world that betrayed her.Amr was in Dubai for business, but he was there often. He also remembered my name; Ismael had mentioned me to him. I told him that I remember and pray for his brother often. Then I noticed that it had been drizzling. We said our good-byes; smiled some more and I turned around and walked away! It was raining hard now. The rain was a welcome!!
